Suicide and The Dance

                 And I, I’m glad I didn’t know

                The way it all would end

                The way it all would go.

                Our lives are better left to chance

                I could have missed the pain

                But I’d have had to miss the dance.

I have always enjoyed Garth Brooks, “The Dance,” but the song has a new meaning now because it plays a small part in a special story of human tragedy and courage.

“I’m going to die!” were the first words of a young man, barely thirty who met me at the church. He had just been told by doctors about a rare form of cancer along with other medical complications that would make it impossible for him to survive more than a year.

I didn’t know what to say? What could I say? What mere words could possibly ease the pain and suffering this young man faced? For a while there was only silence and soft weeping.

But, what he said next sent a cold chill down my spine. “I don’t know if I can face what is going to happen over the next few months. Maybe I should just end it all now!”

What would you say to this young man? What advice would you give?

Would it be so bad to allow him and others to prematurely end their life of suffering? Is suicide such a bad option? Emotionally you would be tempted to say, “Yes, suicide may be okay, but read on.”

The debate on suicide, “mercy-killing” and euthanasia is an intense one and should be continued but a certain young man crying in a small church did not want to hear a theological discussion. He wanted honest answers on how to face an extraordinary tragedy.

A verse in the Old Testament written by the prophet Isaiah says, “If I walk in darkness without one ray of light--” Is that what this young man felt: Darkness without a single ray of light anywhere?

Some would see this as a Biblical signal to end it all, but read the rest of the verse: “If I walk in darkness without one ray of light, let me trust the Lord, let me rely upon God.” (Isaiah 50:10) Far from giving up, Isaiah is implying this is the very time to place our lives totally in the omnipotent hands of God.

Suicide is never the right choice because it is the ultimate denial of our trust in God. I believe God can forgive anything, even suicide but there is another way to face tragedy. What happened next demonstrates how God can work miracles in the midst of misfortune as this young man found his courage and learned to fully trust and rely upon God.

·         He put his affairs in order, took a vacation and spent time with his family.

·         The rest of the family pulled together to help him deal with the crisis.

·         The church and the community began offering help of every kind.

·         He came to know God, to really know God as few of us do.

A dying man changed and as he changed, his courage became a witness for the family and for all of us. Everyone in our church had a chance to celebrate and cry one Sunday morning when he and seven other members of his family came forward to be baptized. His life became a testimony of courage and faith.

And I, I’m glad I didn’t know

                The way it all would end

                The way it all would go.

                Our lives are better left to chance

                I could have missed the pain

                But I’d have had to miss the dance.

It was a difficult year, but the medical profession controlled his pain and a hospice program prepared him and his family. His final months of life illustrated occasional fear followed by a quiet acceptance and trust.

The funeral service following his death, ended with us bowing our heads and listening to Garth Brooks. The words still burn in my heart. “I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.”

God’s answer and comfort in the midst of catastrophe. Trust in the Lord: Rely upon God!

Kicking Cats - Conclusion

In the last devotion, Jim was angry at his wife so he yelled at Larry who threatened his top sales person, Robin, who turned and insulted her receptionist who went home and punished her son who in a fit of rage -- kicked his poor innocent cat. Do you get the picture? Wouldn’t Jim be better off going straight to the receptionist’s house and kicking that cat himself? Let’s face it: We’ve all kicked a few cats.

Aren’t you relieved no one ever gets their cat kicked in church? Ouch that hurt! Even in God’s house you are not immune from a little cat-kicking. You don’t believe me? Attend a few committee meetings.  

Paul wrote in a letter to the Philippians (4:11-13): “I have learned the secret of living in every situation. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.” Wow! Paul seems to have his act together. Wouldn’t you love to have his contentment? How do we obtain it? When someone is kicking our cat; how can we respond like Paul with gentleness and grace?

First, what would be the wrong way to respond to having your cat kicked?

• Don’t look for another cat to kick. That’s abuse.
• Don’t whine to everyone you know. That’s gossip.
• Don’t throw a temper tantrum. That’s immature.
• Don’t take your ball and go home. That’s quitting.
• Don’t use the silent treatment. That’s weak.
• Don’t vow to get even. That’s revenge.
• Yet, don’t do nothing. That’s unhealthy for them and for you.

So, what is the right way to respond? “I can do everything with the help of Christ.”

Look at the Bible. This time from Peter: “Finally, all of you should be of one mind, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate when people say unkind things about you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do, and he will bless you for it. For the Scriptures say, “If you want a happy life and good days, keep your tongue from speaking evil, and keep your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Work hard at living in peace with others.” (1 Peter 3:8-11)                       

So what is Peter saying to do when someone is kicking his cat? “Work hard at living in peace--”

• Pray: Talk to God and ask for help. You can even get angry! God can take it.
• Perspective: In light of eternity in heaven remember how God comes first.
• Share: Spend time with a trusted friend or prayer partner and pray together.
• Seek: Look for God’s guidance on how to properly respond and then pray for courage.
• Confront if possible: This should be done with love confident you are obeying God will.
• Forgive: This is a process but ultimately, it’s the only way to promote healing and growth.
• Pray again: Turn the solution in faith, over to God regardless of the immediate outcome.

Is this going to be easy? Absolutely not! Like Peter said: “Work hard at living in peace with others.”

Here is how the cat kicking story could and should end:

Jim, after much thought and prayer apologizes to his wife and promises to be a better husband and father and begins clearing his calendar to make time for his family. Jim also apologizes for taking his personal frustration out on Larry. Larry seeks out Robin and asks forgiveness for being so rude. Robin finds the receptionist and apologizes for her terrible behavior. On the way home, the receptionist orders pizza and over dinner promises to be a more understanding mother and not take her work frustrations out on him. As for Ellis, the cat-- he received quite a few extra treats that week.

What can we learn from God through Paul and Peter? The secret of living in every situation is to look to Christ for strength, love one another and work hard at living in peace.

It sure beats kicking cats!

Kicking Cats - Part 1

First: Thanks to special effects, no cats were actually harmed during the writing of this column.  Second: The ‘Kicking Cats’ story is not original but it’s so good, I’m using it anyway to make a point.

The steering wheel has never been gripped tighter as Jim drove to work on Monday morning. Jim was angry -- real angry. Early that morning his wife told him, “I can’t take your workaholic ways anymore. We’re through. If you don’t learn to spend more time with your family we’re leaving, forever!”

Upon arriving at work, Jim stomped toward his office, smacked the intercom button on his telephone and shouted for his sales manager: “Larry, come to my office immediately!”

Larry was a first-rate manager employed for twenty three years but sales were off. “Larry, I’m tired of your poor production and pitiful excuses. I expect you to whip our sales staff into shape. If you can’t, then I’ll hire someone who can and I don’t care how long we’ve been together. Do you hear me?!”

“Yes sir.” What else could Larry say? Plenty, for he walked out mumbling. “That no good, sorry excuse for an owner! Where does he get off threatening me after I’ve worked so hard for him all these years? We’ve seen rougher times than this before. All this abuse because of a few bad months? What a jerk!”

Larry then barged into his top sales rep’s office: “Robin, I’m tired of making you look good. You wouldn’t be number one if I wasn’t feeding you customers. Last month when I really needed help, you let me down. If you don’t do better, I’m replacing you with a real sales person. Do you understand?!!”

Robin understood all right. “He has a lot of nerve jumping on me after all the sales I’ve generated for this company. Everyone knows the only reason he became a manager is because of me!” As she sat and stewed, the phone rang. Robin shouted to the receptionist: “Hold all my calls! If you were any kind of decent receptionist, you would know that I’m busy! Just remember -- you too can be replaced!”

“Well, the nerve of that prima donna!” thought the receptionist. “Who does she think she is?” For the rest of the day, whenever anyone called, instead of a pleasant “Thank you for calling our company. How can I help you?” The unfortunate caller was met with a gruff, “Hello, what do you want?”  

When the grumpy receptionist finally made it home that evening, she walked in on her son lying on the couch watching TV. “Son, how many times have I told you that with mother working all day, you need to carry more weight around here. This room is a filthy, disgusting mess. How dare you watch television when I work all day like a slave! Go to your room. You’re grounded -- for life!”

Upset and angry the boy hopped from the couch and as he stomped toward his room he noticed, Ellis, the family cat lying asleep on the floor, minding his own business in the middle of the den.

Can you guess what happened next? Before the poor critter could utter a decent meow, the boy gave the cat a vicious kick which sent him flying across the room. Ouch!

Question: Wouldn’t Jim be better off going to the receptionist’s house and kicking the cat himself? Another question: Who’s been kicking your cat? Yet another question: Whose cat have you kicked?

We live in a negative cat-kicking world. Don’t we? None of us are immune. In order to deal with it we need extraordinary strength and courage to keep our attitude focused in the right direction.

Paul’s letter to the Philippians is thanking the church for a generous gift but he makes an interesting statement. “I’ve learned to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.”

Wouldn’t you love to have his contentment? How do we obtain it? When someone is kicking our cat:. How can we learn to respond with gentleness and grace? Good Question.

Next week: A few answers!

From: Beatrice
Subject: "Thank You"

I wrote you asking for prayer 3 years ago. I was at a very difficult place in my life. I had been hospitalized for depression and in the process lost my job, my fiancé, my beautiful car, my friends, my family, my money. I was so lost, it hurt so bad. I lived in Kenya and just needed to get out and start over as I felt I would surely suffocate. You were there with simple encouraging words. Just there. Thank you. I am now completing my PhD in Australia, I won two prestigious scholarships and even though my boyfriend just broke up with me, I am positive about life, the future and the faithfulness of God, the goodness of people. Thank you. Really, thank you. Beatrice Imathiu

Did you know that I also have a worldwide prayer ministry where you can receive prayer request from all over the world, once, twice or three times per week? Better yet, you can also have the option of sending an email directly to the person requesting prayer and offer words of encouragement.

For more information click here: http://www.sowingseedsoffaith.com/sign-up.htm

Jerks and the Secret of Sturdy Faith

Imagine driving to work on a busy highway, minding your own business. Suddenly, to your right, someone runs a stop sign and with squealing tires, zips in front of your car, forcing you to slam on the brakes and pull off to the side of the road. As you try to calm your nerves, the jerk in the other car never seems to acknowledge his mistake and speeds on down the highway.

How would you react? Would you scream, cry, shake your fist, curse him and all of his ancestry? Would you spend the rest of the morning, reliving the scene with your coworkers? Would your day be ruined, all because of the senseless, irrational, act of a stupid jerk who thinks the open road is paved just for him? And another thing, “I am sick and tired of being the patsy!!!” (Oops! Calm down, Larry.)

(Okay, I’m calm now.) Yet, the other driver - the jerk who caused all of your suffering is merrily going on with no knowledge of your misery. Think about it. The other driver was responsible for the near-accident but your reaction was not his fault. It was yours. The real damage was entirely self-inflicted. In a word, it is called: resentment.

One definition of resentment is to re-feel the pain. Resentment is like accidentally cutting your hand with a knife and then deciding to avenge yourself by stabbing the other hand. Ouch, that hurts!

Jesus has something to say about resentment.

The disciples were asking Jesus how to strengthen their faith. Jesus said: “If your brother (or sister) sins, rebuke him and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” (Luke 17:3,4)

Does this mean we have to forgive the jerk that tried to run over us? No way! Anyway, what does this have to do with faith? This is exactly what the people listening to Jesus asked and He answered them:

“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.” (Luke 17:6) What? What does Jesus mean?

The mulberry tree has extensive roots that run deep into the soil. It’s nearly impossible to uproot. Resentment like the mulberry tree has extensive roots that run deep within our soul and those roots are nearly impossible to move. But the mustard seed grows within the roots of the mulberry tree, the roots are loosened and the tree moves. The process of forgiveness grows within the roots of our resentment and like the mulberry tree those roots are loosened, our faith is strengthened and our seemingly immovable soul experiences change.

Do you want to strengthen your faith in a way that moves your very soul? Then, learn to forgive: Whether it involves a spouse or former spouse who hurt you deeply or a boss who stepped all over you. Was there a trusted friend who violated your confidence? Did a parent or relative abuse you? Do you need to forgive yourself?

You are never more Christ-like than when you forgive.

Does this kind of forgiveness sound impossible? Sure it is, without God. Yet, one psychiatrist wrote that 75% of his patients could walk out of the hospital if they could truly understand what it means to forgive and be forgiven. Such is the power of grace. Let me give you a famous example:

In 1660, John Bunyan was thrown into prison just for being a Christian. He could have let the experience ruin him but instead chose to forgive everyone involved and used the isolation as an opportunity to write Pilgrim’s Progress, one of the most influential Christian books ever written. The power of learning to forgive can produce that kind of sturdy faith within you.

Does an attitude of forgiveness ever come easy? Never! It’s a process that we must work at continually but God makes a clear promise that your willingness to forgive will give you a faith that will move mountains and change your life.

Great! “Now if I can only forgive that jerk on the highway that almost killed me!”

Baptism at the River

Several years ago, three men on our softball team who were now regularly attending church approached me with a proposition. “Larry, we want to be baptized and join the church,” said Rick, one of the men. The others nodded in agreement with obvious intensity.

“That’s great!” I responded with equal enthusiasm. “I’ll make the arrangements and we can do everything during next week’s worship service.”

“No! You don’t understand,” Rick replied earnestly. “We spent most of our lives hunting and fishing in the woods nearby. We love the outdoors. There is a creek about a mile from our house and we want to be baptized in that creek.” 

“Okay,” I said but with less enthusiasm. “You do know that it’s October?”

People from Jerusalem and from every section of Judea and from all over the Jordan Valley went out to the wilderness to hear John the Baptist preach. And when they confessed their sins, he baptized them in the Jordan River. (Matthew 3:5-6)

There is something astonishing and awe-inspiring about a baptism. I can’t really explain it but I know it’s true. Ordinary cares and concerns are temporarily forgotten in the celebration of a momentous human decision blessed by the power and grace of almighty God.  

No one illustrated this better than Jesus: After his baptism, as Jesus came up out of the water, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved son and I am fully pleased with him.” (Matthew 3:16-17)

Three men were making life-changing decisions and our church community was determined to support them in any way possible even if it meant going to a creek in the middle of the woods on a cold October Sunday afternoon.

Yet, on the big day, the sun burned bright as if God himself were smiling on us. Following the Sunday worship service, fifty some folks piled into a caravan of pick-up trucks and four-wheel drive vehicles to drive through the mud and debris to the creek bank. Once there we formed a circle to sing, appropriately enough: “Shall we gather at the river, where bright angel feet have trod, with its crystal tide forever flowing by the throne of God.” We all joined hands to pray and then we were ready.

The water in the creek was so cold; it literally took my breath away. Rick was first to wade in and as he crossed his arms I placed a handkerchief over his nose and gently lowered him into the water solemnly saying, “Rick, I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”

But in the midst of speaking, my feet started slipping in the mud. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t lift him back up. “Help!” I cried out, imagining the morning news headline: “Baptism leads to Drowning!”

Buck, the next person to be baptized jumped in to bring Rick back to the surface. Taking no more chances, Rick then assisted with Buck and finally together we lowered Rick’s son, Coy into the water.

As we returned to the creek bank, the singing resumed: “Yes, we’ll gather at the river, the beautiful, the beautiful river; gather with the saints at the river that flows by the throne of God.”  

Our little gathering at the river became a sacred moment in the lives of three men and a church that supported and loved them. Years later, we still laugh about my mishap and talk about that day as one of the highlights of our church ministry.

I can’t explain it. I only know it to be true. And with Christ you were raised to a new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead. (Colossians 2:12)

Funeral: Clues from A Worn Bible

When asked to do a funeral, I often look for clues to help me say something personal others would easily identify with. Recently, one family who lost their mother knew exactly what to give me: her Bible. Lucy Smith’s Bible was full of notes, encouraging letters and cards, recipes and other clues that told me so much about this spirited woman, her passionate love for God and her three extraordinary sons.

On page one was a personal note to her children: "God loves you. He'll give you life everlasting, if you only believe. Yes, there is a God. I know. Without Him life would be nothing. He is a part of my life and every night I talk to Him as I am talking to you now. His love is with us all the time. He will get you safely out of a storm regardless how rough. He'll be there. Just reach out. He will always hear you."

Lucy Smith often raised and supported her three sons alone yet in the midst of long days and many struggles she still managed to openly display love and affection. One of her Bible bookmarks was a simple cross stitch: "Smile: God loves you." Elsewhere she wrote: "What must I do to be saved? Love thy neighbor. Help and be a brother to him. Love thy Lord thy God with all your heart. Pray for the whole world every day. Love thy neighbor." For Lucy, loving your neighbor was the primary focus.

Yet at times Lucy must have felt guilty being so busy with working and raising children with little time to spare to enjoy them. Hence the poem by an unknown author carefully tucked between the pages:

“My hands were busy through the day; I didn't have much time to play the little games you asked me to. I didn't have much time for you. I'd wash your clothes; I'd sew and cook; But when you'd bring your picture book and ask me please to share your fun, I'd say: ‘A little later, son.’ For life is short, the years rush past; A little boy grows up so fast. No longer is he at your side, his precious secrets to confide. The picture books are put away; there are no longer games to play. My hands, once busy, now are still. The days are long and hard to fill. I wish I could go back and do the little things you asked me to.”

Amidst “Praise the Lord Anyhow!” stickers and four-leaf clovers, Lucy sensed she was leaving behind a legacy for her children to follow within the pages of this Bible. She wrote: “My children are all my life. I love each one as I do the other. I would give my life for them and my grandchildren. God knows I love every one of them. I would give all my treasure to the God who made it all possible."

Lucy also marked Scripture passages. This one was displayed as her favorite: “Continue to love each other with true Christian love. Don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!  Share the sorrow of those being mistreated, as though you feel their pain in your own bodies. Stay away from the love of money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never forsake you.’ That is why we can say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid.’" (Portions of Hebrews 13:1-6)

Yet, what makes Lucy’s life memorable were the letters left behind for her children. Maybe, sensing her own ending she wrote the following poem: “Remember when Mama used to be young and spry: bake lots of cookies and sugar cream pies? She helped with our lessons and sewed our busted jeans; kissed away our troubles and mended all our dreams. It's strange how we all thought she'd never wear out. She walks with a cane because of rheumatism no doubt. Her eyesight is faded and her memories are dim. She often insists on the silliest of whims. When folks grow old they need so much more care. Mama must have a home but the question now is where? Does anyone want her?”

Here was her answer: “Yes, there is one willing to give her a place in the sun where there will be no heartache, no wonder or doubts and she won't have any troubles to worry about. We will all miss her soft voice and kind loving face. Mama has a new home now for God has prepared a special place.”

She marked one Scripture passage for her funeral: “I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the LORD, who made the heavens and the earth! He will not let you stumble and fall; the one who watches over you will not sleep. The LORD keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.” (Portions of Psalm 121)

Through the pages of her worn Bible, Lucy Smith left behind a priceless legacy and also offered reassurance for her family. The letters and poems along with her notes and underlined Scripture serve as timeless reminders of her love and devotion to God and to her children. 

Lucy herself said it best: “God loves you. He'll give you life everlasting, if you only believe. Yes, there is a God. I know. Without Him life would be nothing. He is a part of my life and every night I talk to Him as I am talking to you now. His love is with us all the time. He will get you safely out of a storm regardless how rough. He'll be there. Just reach out. He will always hear you."

Scams, Con Artists & Jacob - Conclusion

I described succumbing to the lures of an internet scam which made me feel vulnerable, embarrassed, ashamed and angry. “How could I be so stupid and not be more suspicious? Why would someone want to harm our ministry in such a way?”

Now, I’m beginning to understand how Jacob’s brother, Esau felt in the Bible story. Jacob grabbed his brother’s birthright with what I call, “The World’s Most Expensive Stew.” He stole Esau’s blessing and honor by disguising himself in front of their father. Caught in his deceit, Jacob did what comes natural for any con artist -- he ran away.

But after years of living with another con named Laban we find Jacob wants to pack up his family and return home. All his life, Jacob had been running but now the con-artist was coming home to face Esau, his family and God.

For years, Jacob escaped the consequences of his deceit and lies. But no more. He would soon face the truth before his brother, who was riding out to greet him – with four hundred armed men. What would they do to him? Fearful, Jacob sent his family across the river to act as shields while he stayed safely behind. Coward!

But during the long night, Jacob experienced a significant turning which changed his life forever: “A man wrestled with him until dawn.” (Genesis 32:24) Who is this mystery man? Was this a literal wrestling match or a dream? What does it all mean?

“When the man saw he couldn’t win the match, he struck Jacob’s hip and knocked it out of joint at the socket. Then the man said, “’Let me go, for it is dawn.’ But Jacob panted, ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me.’ ‘What is your name?’ the man asked. He replied, ‘Jacob.’” (Genesis 25:27)

First, touching the hip or thigh in the Middle East symbolizes where vows are made and life is given. The stranger is deliberately striking at Jacob’s weakest point: his integrity.

Second, Jacob would not ordinarily divulge his name to a stranger because it was believed to reveal your character and surrender power to the person asking. Yet, to this stranger, Jacob does the unthinkable. He gives him his name. He confesses that he is Jacob, the deceiver, the con artist.

So, first Jacob was struck down for a life of lies and second, by admitting he was Jacob, he was for the first time confessing his true character.

As you have probably guessed, the mystery man is God. So, is Jacob locked in a wrestling match with God? Whether the match was literal or a dream doesn’t matter because God was definitely there. The important part is that Jacob needed to wrestle with the consequences of his life of lies and deceit. So do I. And so do you.

What happens next is one of those significant Biblical moments. “Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “It is now Israel, because you have struggled with both God and men and won.” (Genesis 32:28) But what does it all mean for Jacob and, eventually, for us?

1. There is a Jacob of “grabbing and deceit” within all of us.
2. Someday, we must face our own wrestling match with God.
3. Recognizing, who we really are is a necessary step toward divine change.
4. A willingness to change allows God the opportunity to work a miracle within you.

Did Jacob really change? Absolutely! How do I know? “Then in the distance, Jacob saw Esau coming with his four hundred men. Jacob now arranged his family in a column – then Jacob went on ahead.” (Genesis 33:1-3)

Did you notice the change? The former con artist and coward who hid behind his family and possessions now moved ahead of the line to face his brother and four hundred armed men – alone.

But Jacob wasn’t the only one who changed. Esau, the scammed brother, also experienced the miracle of change. “As he approached his brother, he bowed low seven times before him. Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him affectionately and kissed him. Both of them were in tears.” (33:3-4)

The one with every right to seek revenge instead chose the path of forgiveness and embraced his brother. Is it any wonder that Jacob now Israel would say to Esau: “To see your friendly smile is like seeing the smile of God!” (Genesis 33:10)

Such is the power of divine grace. Jacob’s wrestling match led to a changed life ready for God’s service. Esau’s willingness to forgive led to the miracle of reconciliation. Wow!

Have you been scammed, taken advantage of? Are you struggling with bitterness, vowing to get even with a relative, coworker or friend? Maybe your are the con artist. Have you scammed others?

Maybe it’s time for your own wrestling match with God. Confession leads to change. Change followed by reconciliation is potent medicine for the soul. Do you have the courage to wrestle with God? Like Jacob and Esau, this could be a turning that will change your life.